Ramblings about my life, my mental health & my physical rehabilitation following my suicide attempt. “They say don’t look back, but sometimes it’s important to see how far you’ve come.”
Following on from my suicide attempt at the bridge on the 3rd February 2018, 14 months before I actually jumped, I had been subject to a mental health act assessment (MHAA). I agreed with the team to have daily appointments with the home treatment team (HTT) as an alternative to being admitted into hospital. As … Continue reading The Mental Hospital – Part 1
After I’d jumped off the bridge, I wasn’t immediately sectioned, and no, not just because I was in a coma! I was actually sectioned on the 10th June. So over 2 months after I’d jumped, but still in Derriford Hospital. The psych team that visited me at Derriford were from psych liaison, so seeing an … Continue reading Sectioned On A Spinal Ward
After my Mum was sectioned, she was sent to a specialist eating disorder unit 350 miles away in Norwich. Newmarket House. We didn’t know how long she would be there or if she would even survive her stay. Despite her anorexia and demons she battled, Mum was always the one who took care of us. … Continue reading A Little More Beth
You hear of people being in critical condition but you never think it will happen to you. But to me, it did. As I mentioned before, I recently received my medical notes. My ICU ones are no doubt the most difficult to read. There’s pages and pages of different people having done different things to … Continue reading Critical Condition
As mentioned, there is a lot more to my story than many know. Very few people in my life are aware of this but as promised, this blog is a place to share so let’s rewind to a year ago today. March 23rd 2019. A year ago today was the day I first tried to … Continue reading The Beginning Of My Ending
This post is going to cover the events that happened in the 48 hours prior to when I jumped off the bridge. It was the Saturday 6th April. I’d left home early evening on the 5th. I’d told Matt I was working, but I wasn’t. I was going to take my life. I’d spent the … Continue reading My Final 48 Hours
I will never forgot the drive to the bridge that morning. I’d set my alarm for 5am, snuck downstairs to get dressed and got in my car. I winced as I started it because the noise of the engine cut through the silence of the night. It isn’t a short drive to the bridge, it’s … Continue reading The Last Drive
Following on from my post ‘The Last Drive’. I got out my seat, looked in my mirror at myself and it was then it really hit me. F**k, I’m really doing this. F**k. I started walking along the pavement out of the car park and down to the bridge. I felt so calm yet my … Continue reading At 7:14am, I Jumped.
I’ve written quite a lot about some of my physical battles in hospital, but this post I’m going to focus more on the mental side of it. I don’t think I could ever find the words to describe the feeling of waking up alive after I was certain I would die. In a split second, … Continue reading Surviving The Survival
Throughout my recovery, one of the most painful body part has been my left leg. Yes, my right leg snapped and was operated but that was nothing compared to the pain I was experiencing down my left side. My left femur was broken in several places and again, had been operated on but still, this … Continue reading The Left Leg
Carrying on from my last post, I had arranged to meet Kate and Paul, two critical care paramedics with Devon Air Ambulance, near the bridge I had jumped off. We were going to revisit the scene. This was probably the single biggest challenge I’d faced since coming out of hospital. Even in hospital, I remember … Continue reading Devon Air Ambulance – Part 2
As many of you know, after I had jumped, I was air lifted to Derriford by the Devon Air Ambulance. What many don’t know however is that is not where my journey with them ended. They have, and have continued to play a massive part in my recovery. The team have gone way above and … Continue reading Devon Air Ambulance – Part 1
I know my blog jumps (no pun intended) around in time a lot which I apologise for (and something I will try and fix), but with all that is going on right now and the pressure the NHS is under, I thought this is the perfect opportunity to talk about some of my experiences. There … Continue reading The Unsung Hero’s
February 3rd 2018. R put the blue lights and sirens on and we raced away from the bridge.. I didn’t know where we were going and I couldn’t think straight enough to even care at that point. I was just so cold and gasping for breath as I hyperventilated. All that fear that I had … Continue reading R, M & The Police Negotiator – Part 2
In this post, apologies, but we’re going back in time once again. Back to the end of January 2018. I was now under the care of the Home Treatment Team (crisis team). They were visiting me daily after the incident where I had been restrained and prevented from jumping off a bridge onto the duel … Continue reading R, M & The Police Negotiator – Part 1
I’ve lost count of the amount of times I heard that. Every 3 hours of every day and every night. I had made the decision not to have my spine operated on. Although I made the decision not to have the operation, I have no recollection of doing so. I was in ICU at the … Continue reading On the R of Roll
It’s 29th January 2018. Carrying on from my last post, here I was, handcuffed, scared and ashamed in the back of the police car with no idea what was going to happen next. At the scene on the bridge, we sat in the police car awaiting an ambulance but as it wasn’t a priority call … Continue reading One Three Six – Part 2
Part 1 On the 29th of January 2018 I was detained under section 136 of the Mental Health Act. Section 136 is a power that is used by the police in order to help someone and take them to a place of safety to be seen by Mental Health professionals. It is only used as … Continue reading One Three Six
In my original ‘coming out’ post about my mental health and suicide attempt, I wrote about still having dark days. Really dark days. I think it’s really important to say and for people to know that jumping off the bridge didn’t suddenly cure my demons or mental health, far from it. Jumping not only didn’t … Continue reading Determined To Die, Determined To Live.
The very first time I had any police contact in my life occurred in August 2014. I was 18 and had just finished my A Levels after 2 years at Devonport High School For Girls. (DHSG). My mental health deteriorated significantly over those 2 years. I’d been permanently excluded in April 2012 from my previous … Continue reading It’s The Police, What’s Your Name?
